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Humor

Rejected McSweeneys List #1

ON HOLDING THEIR KINDERGARTEN TEACHER HOSTAGE WITH SHARPENED CRAYONS, THE NOBLE TODDLERS LIST THEIR DEMANDS
  1. All imaginary friends shall be treated as real.
  2. From this day forward, 'nap time' shall be called siesta, except for those of us who cannot yet pronounce siesta. In these cases, it shall be called 'respite.'
  3. Gloves shall be made available for finger painting. Leather acceptable, sheepskin preferred.
  4. You don't drink boxed wine, we don't drink juice boxes. Decanters and crystal ONLY.
  5. We shall be addressed at eye level. Get on your knees or provide us with step ladders--the choice is yours.
  6. Referring to any game of lets pretend as unreal shall be punishable by no less than five minutes of time out.
  7. All offenders receiving time out punishments shall receive snacks, siesta attire, and visitation privileges from imaginary friends.
  8. We shall no longer be required to share, as adults don't do it much either these days.

See the McSweeney's Lists here

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